Don’t Forget Where You Come from, Just Choose to Never Go Back.

By Traci Chudej

You know the old saying “don’t judge a book by its cover” but aren’t we all guilty of doing this even a little bit by quickly summing up someone we’ve just met or even that fleeting thought as a stranger passes by you in a store or on the street? Do we quickly surmise that the homeless person holding a street sign asking for money has had a difficult and unhappy life? When looking at someone beautiful and charming, do we jump to the conclusion that this person has probably had a happy and easy life? Sometimes, we have to be reminded that every person has a life story and the old adage quoted above is true; this is Kristy’s story.
Kristy Diggles-Jackson is one of those beautiful girls; she looks healthy and like she belongs with the beautiful people, the typical cheerleader. We all know the type. She’s the girl we hated because we would kill to be just like her -- her skin, her hair, her little frame, her beauty, but most importantly, her life. Her beauty and her smile must mean she was born with a “silver spoon in her mouth.” She must have parents that loved her, and surely she has never experienced the pain of life that so many have felt. She is just too beautiful. These assumptions could not be further from the truth. Kristy recalled, “My first memory of abuse is hearing a loud sound come out of the bedroom and my father (biological) pushing my mom’s face into the bathroom mirror. My mom just turned around and put me back to bed.”
Kristy’s parents both came from homes that were engulfed in violence and substance abuse. They married young, fending for themselves, and before long, they had a son, James, and a year later Kristy was born. She said, “My mom worked odd jobs and whatever money my biological father made he spent on drugs and alcohol.” Kristy’s childhood memories are riddled with violence and abuse. She explained, “I remember things like my biological father choking my mom until she passed out or sitting in my car seat and my mother in the driver’s seat and my dad running up and stomping in the windshield. Our lives were filled with fear, anger and violence. Family gatherings always meant fights, not just people yelling but hitting and pulling out knives.” In 1997 at a family gathering, her uncle pulled a gun and shot her grandfather in the head. “He died there on the kitchen floor,” she said.
She shared another memory by saying, “Once I remember going to see Santa at the state penitentiary, where my dad was at the time.”
Kristy’s mom tried to leave but every time she did, Kristy’s father would find them. She explained, “I remember one time we had finally gotten away, and mom had saved for about a year to buy a couch. My dad found us, broke into our apartment and stole all the furniture. We were right back to sitting on a mattress on the floor. We moved all the time. I thought that this life was normal and I never had a real home.”
Kristy, her mother and her brother finally got away and were on their own but, by this time, the siblings were out of control. Kristy recalled, “My mom got phone calls daily from school because of our behavior and often had to pick us up because we had been suspended. My poor mom -- she was on her own but did not know where to turn.”
Kristy and her brother’s troubles escalated, while they tried to fight the pain in their lives. James turned to drugs and alcohol, while Kristy turned to self-mutilation and anorexia/bulimia. “I was so hung up on all the negative stuff that I began cutting myself,” shared Kristy. She continued, “Family members started telling me when I was seven that I was going to be fat, so I either ate or threw up or I just didn’t eat at all. My brother drank, smoked pot, used cocaine, heroin or anything he could find.” Kristy’s brother spent time in and out of jail and rehab and eventually had to live with his biological father for a while. “My mom would stay up waiting for the police to call and tell her that my brother was dead,” remembered Kristy.
During this time, Kristy’s mom started dating a man and eventually married him. He did not have any children of his own, and he was walking into a family riddled with destruction. Kristy was still cutting herself when finally one day the school noticed the cuts on her legs and called her mom. “I just sat there waiting for my mom but in walked my mom’s new husband. He took me out of school and drove all over town just talking to me. He tore down my walls that day,” said Kristy.
She began counseling and then, began to heal. Her mother’s new husband adopted her and Kristy said, “This man is my dad. He bailed my brother out of jail and paid my fines at school for being violent.” Kristy, the first high school graduate in her family, is now in college. James has changed, too, and at 21 years old, he finally got clean and sober and enrolled at Texas Tech University. This semester, he is in Washington, D.C., working for the House of Representatives. James will head back to Texas Tech in December and will graduate in May, but then he will be off to law school. Kristy said, “I still don’t know what I want to be, but I know I want to help people.”
Kristy shared, “So I came from a broken home filled with every type of abuser. Eight years ago my life changed. My dad adopted me and I started therapy.” Kristy continued, “I closed the door on all the negative people in my life. I want to show at least one person that no matter what the circumstances you are born into, you can always change. Don’t let life mold you into the person you are, make life mold around the person you want to be”.
“I am so grateful for my dad who stood by me through the toughest times in my life and chose to make me his. His family has welcomed me with open arms, too. My mom will always be my best friend because even though we didn’t have much, she tried to make life fun and put a smile across my face. She is the strongest woman I know”
“It sounds funny but I feel very fortunate to have gone through all that I have. I truly believe that I would not be the person I am today without all the experiences along the way.” Kristy concludes, “You get nowhere in life feeling sorry for yourself. Rich or poor, broken home or not, if you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to get it. If you try hard and failed, work harder. If life were easy it would be boring.
“I have seen some of my old family, and they say ‘don’t forget where you come from’ and I say ‘I haven’t forgotten’. I have chosen to make sure I never let myself go back to that type of life.”
If you are the victim of domestic violence or suffering from a drug or alcohol addiction, self-mutilation, or Anorexia/Bulimia there is hope for you too.
Comal County Crisis Center 620-4357
Alcoholics Anonymous 625-0057
Connections 629-6571
St. Jude’s 629-0659
National Eating Disorders Association
1-800-931-2237
National Abuse Line 800-422-4453
National Suicide Hotline 800-273-8255